All My Needs, You Have Supplied. . .

One of the scariest parts of this journey to Guatemala is trusting that it IS God calling me there, and that HE will provide, even when I don't see it.  Have decided I need to start writing down all the ways He is providing, so I remember them. 

One of the hardest things about leaving is not being here to "influence" the lives of my grandsons.  I know how much Grandma poured into me.  I know how little my mom poured into my kids.  I desire to somehow take what I've learned from Grandma about pouring in, and what I've learned from my mom about the challenges of being a "long distance" grandma, and strike a good balance in grandparenting the boys.  However, I know it will not be the same as being here on a day to day basis, doing the everyday things of life with them.  My good friends, Arnie and Alice, whose own grandchildren live in another state, have offered to "step in" whenever Zach and/or Nate need grandparents.  What a peace this gift brings my heart. .  .

With all the medical problems I've had in the last year, there have been lots of bills that still need to be taken care of.  Every time I prayed about this, God would tell me not to worry about it, He had it covered.  I couldn't imagine how He'd pull this one off, and would get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach every time I thought about it.  How was I going to take care of this?  This week I found out I wasn't, as He already had.  The church has given us a supplemental insurance to help us cover our out-of-pocket medical expenses, and it is retroactive to January 1st, which is when I incurred most of this debt.  He already had this planned, He just hadn't revealed it to me yet.  Thank you, Byron and the Personnel Team for being used by God to bless me in this way. . .

When I had my last stress test, and felt like maybe I'd heard God wrong, that maybe I'd messed this all up, God prompted my dear Tara to call me, even while the test was going on, to let me know He's put me on her heart.  He'd not forgotten or abandoned. . .

Craig, our church communications director, has offered to mentor Joel in our media ministry, making sure he still has a strong connection with the church.  This was not something I'd really been concerned about, but again, gives me a peace and joy beyond measure.  Joel can take care of himself, but, he shouldn't have to go it alone, and he won't.  Along with Craig, Bryant and Mike have stepped alongside Joel to be the spiritual fathers he (we all) needs.  And my heart swells at seeing the church, MY church, really being the church. . .

Not to mention the support, both prayer and financial, that has been given me.  I feel truly loved and cared for in a way I never have before.  I hadn't expected this blessing to come from raising support.  I trusted people would believe in what I was doing, but I'm learning that the believe in ME.  I'm beginning to understand the hundred-fold blessing Jesus promised us. . .

Then there's the article in the bulletin this week about me leaving the church.  Greg, who I've worked with only a year, wrote a wonderful summary of what God has allowed me to do here at Westside.  It was neat to reflect back on the last 9 years through the eyes of someone who wasn't here for most of them.  But, not being one to ever do anything sentimental, Greg wrote a "private tribute (?)" parodying my time here, which he presented to me in all seriousness.  I laughed so hard.  He helped me to realize I'm a friend, as well as an employee. . .

A bit later, Curt, a photographer friend who loves irises as much as I do, called me from Two Rivers, just to let me know how beautiful the irises are out there right now.  He even texted me a picture of them.  Again, a small thing, but one that showed he knows me personally, and cared enough to want me to enjoy what I love.  Oh, what a reflection of God this is to me. . .

So today, I think about all the times I've trusted God to meet my needs.  And I have.  Usually what I asked for, and what I recognized receiving, were those things I need in daily life.  A home, food, car, clothes.  And He has met them in truly amazing ways over the years.  But, it seems, I tried to take meeting my emotional and relational needs into my own hands, and, frankly, have messed things us pretty well from most of the time.

This week, as I reflect on His meeting my needs, I finally get that my "heart needs" are as important to Him as my "body needs." (Yeah, I know, most of you are saying, "DUH!")  I have to admit that it's been hard looking at moving "alone."  I fear loneliness more than anything.  But, this week especially, I've clearly seen that, though I might be separated from you all who I love by physical distance, you will be with me.  This is your ministry as much as it is mine, for you give me the courage and encouragement to move forward.  Thank you. . .