Reflecting on the last month. . .

I'm in Chicago for a few days, visiting my brother and sister and her family before I leave for Guatemala.  This has been a much needed time to rest and recharge.  It's also given me some time to reflect on the last month or so, and all I've experienced. I think I've experienced higher highs than I ever have, I know I've had sweeter times with Jesus than ever before.  But, honestly, there have been some rough patches, too.

In late May I wrote to a good friend who was returning to Guatemala after a visit to the States:

"I think these last few weeks are going to be hard. There's a part of me that wants to just walk away and fly down with you this week and get the leaving over with. Too much time to think, among other things. Spent this afternoon and evening with my son's family. I can't let myself think about leaving the grandsons--didn't think I was that attached to them, but each time I'm with them now I find myself getting tearful."

My sweet daughter-in-law, Lin, invited me to come with when they had their family pictures taken, so I could have a "portrait" of myself with the boys to take with me.  Not something I ever would have thought of, but am grateful she did!  I have been talking with Zach, the 4 year old, about Grandma moving far away.  His response, at first, was, "I not like that! Not good idea!"  Talk about tearing at my heart.  But he's come to accept that I'll be gone for a while even though he thinks, "You go with Uncle Jon (who's on a ship somewhere in the Pacific!)." 

The other day I actually had a "melt down" in the grocery store of all places. All I needed was milk, bread, eggs and margarine. Lots of good sales that week--and I had to keep saying, nope, I won’t be able to cook that! I think I will miss having my own kitchen more than most things. What a stupid thing to be grieving. . .but I am! Think it has something to do, too, with the fact that I've had my own home since I was 20 years old. . .and I'm struggling at giving up my obstinate independence and solitude. Funny, the things that are bothering me.

Have been surprised at how easily I have been able to part with things (emotionally) and vastly underestimated how long it would take to dispose of my possessions (physically).   I'm storing what I have kept in a friend's basement, and have kept way more than I intended to.  Guess I'll have some sorting and "pruning" to do when I return in September. Why I ever thought I could work all day and move out of my house at the same time, I'll never figure out.  My patient landlord waited an extra week for me to finally get everything cleared out!

My last week working at Westside was harder than I anticipated.  I realized that in some ways, leaving my job would be harder than even leaving my family.  My relationship with the kids will not change, even though I'm far away.   I will no longer be part of the wonderful group of people who staff my church in quite the same way.  Over the last nine years, they truly have become family to me, and, while I know they would do anything for me, I will miss seeing them terribly on a day to day basis.  Thank you, Pastor Curt and staff, for all you have been to me, all you have done for me, and how you have helped me grow!