Every time I travel back to Omaha, I feel just a little bit more like an octagonal peg trying to fit into a round whole.
Sounds strange, I know, but let me try to explain.
When I left the US almost five years ago, I was pretty much, through and through, an American. Though I had had a number of experiences in other cultures, including living for two years on the Rosebud Indian Reservation in South Dakota, I still thought with my middle-class mindset. Training prior to going on the mission field helped me to be aware of these prejudices I held, but I still had them. I am a product of my history. I was a square peg which pretty much fit into the square hole of life and culture in the US.
Shift to Guatemala. I loved the Guatemalan people, their heritage and their culture. That was, after all, why I had moved there. But I found myself surrounded by round pegs. Not that there's anything wrong with round pegs; they're just different. In Guatemala the situations I found myself in were designed to be filled by round, not square pegs. (Sure, there are "square" communities of ex-pats, which even include some missionaries. But that's not why I was here.)
So, what happens when you try to fit a square peg into a round whole? Well, you can reject the process which will reform you, quit trying, and pack up and "go home." Or, you can, through experience after experience, find your rough corners whittled away. You come closer and closer to fitting into the "round hole" of life in another culture. After time, your square peg may have worn away enough so that you can actually fit into the round hole. But there will always be gaps, spaces where you don't quite think the same as the round society in which you live; things you will never really understand, but need to accept.
How do you live in this continual sensation of being out of balance? You learn to listen more intently to the voice of the Holy Spirit living within you, to guide your words, actions and decisions. You reach out to those stronger, more experienced around you, to help you catch your balance. And most of the time, you manage to stay upright. More and more often, you find that you can effectively fill one of the "round hole needs" around you, though never completely, and often at personal cost. You learn to love as God loves, without expectation and with a spirit of unconditional acceptance for others. And you are glad to be an "octagon" living in a round society.
Other times it's different. You often stumble and fall, making mistakes, hopefully ones that are not too serious. You apologize and repent, ask forgiveness and learn to move on. You learn that the world, believe it or not, will not end if you err. And maybe you even become a little "rounder" in the process.
You learn not to judge. Not those who live around you and not yourself. You learn that good and bad do not change between cultures--we have the Bible to depend on for that. But you also learn how much of your own understanding of what the Bible says might have been colored by the culture which shaped you. You learn that evil is evil, no matter when you find it, but that often those who do evil are not themselves evil, just lost. And, after all, aren't we here to seek out the lost and lead them to the One who longs to make them whole? You learn the true meanings of the words "grace" and "mercy."
Lord Jesus, let me love others as you do, with grace and mercy that have brought me to repentance. Let them be drawn to you because of my acceptance of them--and never pushed away by my judgment. Get me out of the way, and let them see you in me, and give me the words to explain how I am able to love as I do--because you first loved me.
I've heard this probably a dozen times, and every time I hear it, it reminds me a lot about why I was called into ministry. I might have been raised in a square culture, but I was never a square. I was, perhaps, a triangle. Since I didn't fit with that culture and I wasn't willing to change to THAT culture, I packed up and went to the "home" I felt God was calling me to. Round culture has worked much better for this hexagon. :) Looking forward to having you home soon.
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