Remembering Lisvi~~January 30, 2026

Seventeen years ago today (is it possible?) I met a little girl who would change my life forever. 

I was with Dick Rutgers in northern Guatemala, at a wheelchair distribution.  I didn't have much of a role, but was more hanging out than anything. I walked over to a lady with a “baby” on her back. I hesitantly asked if it would be okay for me to hold the “baby.” Mom gently placed her in my arms. 

This was my introduction to Lisvi Escalante Perez, and her mother Francisca. Lisvi, however, is not a baby, but a marvelous little girl of SIX who could not have weighed over fifteen pounds.  As I held this precious little one in my arms, my heart sank to my feet, and tears welled in my eyes. Lisvi will forever “haunt” me. This was not some abstract, starving child in an ad, but a flesh and blood little girl God had permitted me to hold.

It was apparent that this little one needed so much more than a wheelchair.  We explained to her mother that there was a malnutrition center in Antigua which could help Lisvi.  Dick promised transportation for the family if they wanted to bring Lisvi be checked by the doctors there.

Mom was terrified at the idea, but said she would talk with her husband.  He could not imagine having the daughter he so dearly loved taken from their home and placed so far awasy, but agreed to come with us to investigate options.

I got to spend the next three days walking with their family through this process, and getting as much cuddles in with Lisvi as I could.  We learned that Lisvi was their third child born with severe cerebral palsy, and the two previous sisters had died from malnutrition. 

I could not begin to understand what we were asking them to do. To us, it was just a trip to the hospital. To this family, who had never been out of their area, we are asking them to leap into the unknown. They have never even seen a doctor (except maybe the “healers” in the area), and how could they imagine a hospital. 

As I held Lisvi, I couldn’t help but think of my almost 30 lb., two and a half year old grandson back home. As I prayed over Lisvi, I also prayed in gratitude for Zach’s health which I too often take for granted. And, as I struggle with the contrast between these two precious children, I had to remind myself that God loves each of them unconditionally. His ways are surely not my ways. . 

As the contrast pierced my heart, the injustice of the disparity between the opportunities for thesse two chilren enraged me.  Was Zach more worthy of a good life than this beautiful little girl only by benefit of his birth country?

While the hospital had agreed to admit her, the parents could not bear to 8 hours away from her.  They deeply loved and cared for her.  The next day, Dick drove them home to their village, and they would do the best they could to care for her.  

On the plane ride back to the US, I pondered all I had experienced.  God showed me that Lisvi did not need to meet me. I needed to meet Lisvi. I needed to willingly let my heart be touched, and wounded, and trust that God willed the best for this little one. I learned to pray, "God I want to serve you, but it hurts too much." I learned that when I pray, "God break my heart for what breaks yours," that's exactly what he does.  I  learned to risk letting my heart be touched, knowing it might be broken, but trusting it will heal."

A few months later, I received a call--Lisvi was now in the arms of her Heavenly Father.  What I gave to Lisvi, I don't know.  What she gave to me is beyond measure.  

Reflecting on Simon of Cyrene

Why did God ordain that Simon would be called to help Jesus carry his cross?

Logical answer, Jesus was too weak to carry it himself because of all he had endured the previous night.

On a deeper level, I believe God ordained this and included it in each of the four gospels to teach us. I believe we are each called to carry the cross with Jesus as well as carry our own cross.

How do we do this?  Just by accepting the suffering and pain that comes into our lives?  Or is there more to it than this passive response to Christ's command?

I believe we need to intentionally share the burden of Christ's cross by voluntarily sharing in the suffering of those around us.  We can't bear everyone's pain, but, just as Simon was called to uniquely share the suffering of Jesus, I believe God calls each of us to uniquely and deliberately share in the pain of specific individuals or groups suffering in our midst.

Will I do this willingly, or will I resist?  We so easily say, "God, break my heart for what breaks yours." How do we respond when he shows us a particular misery that breaks his heart?  Will I let Him break my heart, or will I protect it from pain?  Will I surrender to being broken by bearing my brother's burden and in doing so fulfill the law of Christ? 

Am I doing what I say I believe?

My journey to Guatemala led me to the hospital/orphanage dedicated to Hermano Pedro.  I learned this story of a simple, humble Fransican monk for whom the orphanage was named.  Born in Spain, he emigrated to Guatemala in the early 1600's. After studying, without success, to be a priest, he became a Fransican brother. 

Known as the "St. Francis of the Americas", Hermano Pedro had a love for those who were ignored and abandoned by society. This included the poor, the homeless, the imprisoned, and the disabled.  While not "smart enough" to master the theology required for the priesthood, Hermano Pedro was a master at the theology of living out what he believed.  He began a hospital, convalescent home, school for the poor, and spent his life serving Jesus who he saw in the least of these.

Hermano Pedro is a constant challenge to me.  I tend toward the intellectual, spending years investigating Scripture and the "right theology" I found there.  Moving to Guatemala, that's been all well and good.  The people we serve, though, could care less about theology.  

Our residents and those we serve have challenged me to look less at orthodox concepts and ideas about God (right thinking).  They need and want to know Jesus, to know who He is and why knowing him matters.  They seek more than words.  They need to actually meet him.

I have learned here, that my love must be shown before anyone will listen to my ideas.  Many have heard the Sunday school lessons, or the catechism about him.  Few of those we serve, though, have experienced his love in action.

That is the challenge Hermano Pedro sets before me.  It is not really a challenge from him, but from the Jesus who came poor, humble and rejected by his society.  Am I willing to live out daily, what I believe?  Concretely in action, not just in words.

Each day this looks different.  Some days it is helping a child with autism learn to communicate.  Other days it is teaching a mentally challenged child to read.  It might be giving a sandwich to the homeless man who come to my door.  Maybe it even looks like taking time to treat the market vendor as a person with dignity, not just a functionary who I am forced to deal with.

This is the challenge of Hermano Pedro and the Jesus he followed.  Am I doing what I say I believe?  Am I serving my Jesus in the least of these, treating them with dignity and respect, not pity and "charity"?  Am I walking the talk?

This is my challenge, and yours.  How are we doing?

I could never do that. . .

 This is such a common phrase spoken by many Christians.  At times it is said in judgment of a person who has fallen short in some way--usually one of the "big" sins like adultry, child abuse, abortion.  It may be smaller sins though, like smoking or drinking, or stealing a pack of gum.  Whatever it is, when we say this we are elevating ourselves above the person being judged.

Other times it is said in admiration, "I could never do what you do.  I'm too ________________." Fill in the blank: weak, tender-hearted, attached to my children, etc.  This is the one I hear too often directed toward me and I grieve for the person each time the say it.

To me, it reflects a lack of understanding of God's will in our lives.  What the person, hopefully, really means to say is, "I don't want God to ask me to what you do." That I'm okay with.  There are many things I don't want God to ask me to do, and I've told him so.    Very often the things God asks of me are these very things I dread.

 And in surrendering to these things, like being divorce, or leaving behind grandchild to grow up in my absence.  In holding my desires and dreads with open hands, I have experienced the presence of God in ways I never would have imagine. What seems like loss, has become gain.  God is faithful when we are obedient.

The next time you are tempted to say, "I could never. . ." stop and ask yourself what is really behind this statement.  Henri Nouwen has wisely said, "We are not judged by how we compare to others, but how we conform to the will of God."

Don't use this attitude to put down or elevate anyone.  We are all given different callings, When we obey we are enabled, equipped and empowered to  carry out the callings with peace and joy.  Don't limit yourself, or your God, and wait and see what happens.  You might not believe it!

San Pedro is so different. . .

It's Palm Sunday.  Once again I am struck by how different San Pedro, where the men and I live, is from Antigua.  Nothing is more striking than the differences I see during Holy Week.  The activities in San Pedro grow out of faith, while those in Antigua seem to come from a delight in pagentry.

Yes, we have processions.  In fact, they pass in front of both my house and Casa de Esperanza.  But they are strikingly different from those I have seen, and come to dread, in Antigua. (I just realized that, since I moved to San Pedro, this is the first year we are freely remembering Holy Week.  Activities in the three previous years had by greatly limited by Covid.  Perhaps that is why they have struck me so deeply this year.)

These processions are not done for tourists--we have none. 

The alfombras (carpets make of sawdust and other vegetation remembering the palms Jesus rode over entering Jerusalem) are so much simpler, mostly done by families in the early hours of the morning.They are not done for show, as most participate, rather than watching like I do.  

The participants, for the most part, are my neighbors, not adorned in purple robes (though some are) but mostly in street clothes.  The leaders of the processions belong to confraternities (parachurch organizations), and some do contribute for the privilege of participating, but it is not a requirement here.  The only requirement is the desire to honor the sacrifice of Jesus.

While it is true that some believe they are doing penance, paying for their sins, by carring the andas ("floats") with statues, many I have spoken to participate in gratitude for the sacrifice of Christ on the cross.  Publically proclaiming that they want to follow him.  

While doctrinal differences divide the Catholics and Evangelicals here, I think we have much to learn from each other.  

The Catholics can teach us much about the price paid to repair our broken relationship with God.  

I fear that too often we have made salvation dependent on nothing more than saying a prayer.  I see this with mission teams that lead folks in a sinners prayer, but do nothing more to teach them about the Jesus they have supposedly asked "into their heart".  Little, if anything, is done to assure that they have had a change of heart, not just said some words.  Most times, nothing is done to teach them to follow Jesus.  Too often they are converted but never discipled. 

As Evangelical, I am concerned that inadvertently we have, in many ways cheapened the sacrifice of Jesus, by focusing on OUR individual salvation, when in reality it isn't about us at all.  It's about our willingness to be disciples and live as he did, not about what doctrine we follow or dogmas we cling to.  It is not just about our "eternal security" of going to heaven, but about the charge which Jesus left us to make the Kingdom of Heaven become a reality here on earth, as was God's intention in creation.

Even the andas carrying Mary do not offend me as they once did.  (BTW, here in San Pedro, Mary follows Jesus, and the "float" is much smaller and the processional simpler.)  These portrayals of Mary always focus on her sorrow as she watched Jesus suffer and die for us.  It reminds us of her faithful presence with him.  Seeing this can provoke our own sorrow in recognizing the price paid to reconcile us to God.  Too often, I fear, we pass over Good Friday in our hurry to get to Resurrection Sunday.

So I ask you this year, as we prepare to celebrate the greatest "overcoming" of all time in the Resurrection, to take time this week to focus on the events leading up to it.  Learn from Mary to take some time so "stay with" Jesus,  to watch and pray with him, as he asked the disciples to be with him in Gethsemane.  Open our hearts to feel his struggle, as a man, as he faced his impending death.  To repent from  all the ways in which we do not faithfully follow him, maybe even run from him, that created the need for his death.  To appreciate what it cost Jesus to reunite us with God.  Then we will truly be able to experience the joy of the Resurrection.

A Good Word for 2023

At the end of every year I ask God for a word which will carry his message to me through the coming year.  Often it is is beautiful, descriptive word.  This year He has somewhat surprised me (though looking back on my writings I don't know why I'm surprised) with a short yet very sweet word, "Yes." 

"Yes" to Him and all He sends my way in 2023.  "Yes" to being fully present to the people He sends into my life in the coming year.  "Yes" to surrendering all that I am, each and every day, to His presence and His purpose.

While all of this sounds very "holy," in reality it is terrifying if I let myself think about it.  I often joke that if God had told me in 2010 what I would be doing in 2022, I would have told him, "No thank you. Send someone else." My joking, however, often reveals my fears and insecurities.  Sadly, I'm afraid, even as I joke  about this, in my heart I have to acknowledge the kernel of truth hidden here.  

This life God has chosen for me is more challenging than I would have chosen for myself.  There are great joys in what He has called me to do, but there are things that are difficult as well. 

Living far from family is one of the most difficult, as I watch my grandchildren grow and see my children's lives moving on without me.  Don't get me wrong.  They welcome me into their lives when I am there, but it is hard when I'm not to keep up on what is going on.  It is even harder to support them as I would like.  It seems, rather than getting easier as time goes on, it is harder as I realize what I am missing.

If I'm honest, I have to admit I find running a ministry, doing all the administrative stuff, difficult and somewhat uninteresting.  I have the heart of a teacher, of a discipler, and often am at a loss as to how to lead well those who God has entrusted to me, both residents and staff.  Managing finances and fund raising are well outside the scope of my natural abilities, and present daily challenges as I try to find better ways to manage the resources God has given us, particularly in the context of an  ever increasing cost of living.

It is in these challenges, in these areas where my natural abilities do not suffice, that I find God the most.  He has put together an amazing team to back me up, both in our Board in the US and the staff we employ here in Guatemala.  He has brought residents to us who have become my second family.  Finally, I have friends and supporters in two countries who encourage me and hold me up in prayer.  None of these things I could do on my own.  I know He is faithful.

So I say "Yes" to all God offers me and requires of me in 2023.  Will you join me?

Joseph and the Gift of Holy Confusion

We often talk about Mary's "Yes" to God, but Joseph's "Yes" was just as critical to God's redemptive plan.  Scripture tells us very little about Joseph, except that he was a just man, faithful to the law of God.

Imagine, then, his confusion at finding Mary to be with child.  He was betrothed to her, which in Biblical times was as binding as marriage.  According to the law, he must divorce her, or he would be seen an breaking the law by having relations with her during the period of engagement.  How could this have happened?  How could she betray him as he worked to prepare a home for them?

But he was kind as well as just.  He did not want to publicly humiliate Mary, though by the law she deserved it.  He did not want to be cruel, but he must obey the law.  He decided to divorce her privately, though this would leave Mary and her child to live the lives of outcasts to their society.  After struggling with what to do, he finally reaches a decision and falls into what I imagine was a fitful sleep.

Then an angel comes to Joseph in a dream, not when he was awake and struggling, but after he had reached his decision.  The angel comes to reassure him that Mary had not strayed and that she would bear the Son of God.  He is told he must marry her, though that would make him appear to have sinned also.  

The brief account of this in Scripture makes it seem so neat and easy.  But the reprecussions were immense.   He would bear the shame of this child with her.  Wouldn't it be easier to just dismiss the dream as nothing more than his unconscious imagination. Then he could go ahead with his kind, yet just plan.  After all, it was only a dream.

But Joseph recognized the voice of God in this dream.  He says "Yes" in obedience though it would cost him his reputation. He said "Yes" to loving as a father a child that was not of his flesh. He says "Yes" to trusting God and Mary that this is God's Son. Later, he would say "Yes to becoming a refugee, fleeing from Herod with the baby and Mary, once again directed not consciously but in a dream.  And he says "Yes" to the fearful, seemingly impossible task of raising the Messiah, his God and King. 

How he must have struggled.  The life he planned had been turned completely upside down.  How he must have been terrified by the implications of his obedience. Yet he says "Yes" and follows through in obedience.  

How very different the life of Jesus would have been without the "Yes" of Joseph. This almost forgotten "Yes" had great impact on the future of the Messiah.  Joseph says "Yes" and then disappears.  

Be it done unto me according to Thy Will

 As Christmas approaches I have been thinking a lot about the miracle of Incarnation--God taking on flesh to become fully man.  Taking on flesh in the way we all do, through conception, implanted in the womb of a teenage girl in Israel by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Think of it:    God shrinking down into the size of a zygote, growing hands and feet, arms an legs.  Trusting himself, in human form, completely into the care of a young virgin.  Dependent on this woman for his very survival, counting on this woman to take the first step in reconciling the world to Himself.

As Eve said "no" to God and "yes" to her own plan, Mary comes to say "yes" to God and surrender herself to His plan. 

I believe it is not a stretch to say I am a Christ-follower because of the wholehearted "yes" of a woman.  Yes to God, to an uncertain call, to an impossibility.  Yes to surrendering reputation, risking rejection, even death.  Yes to a life without guarantees.  What a brave and bold young woman.

As Jesus surrendered himself to death on a cross, Mary surrendered herself to giving life to Jesus.  

Lord, use Mary's example to teach me to say a wholehearted yes to You call.

No more half-hearted "yeses!"

 

Twelve years working in Guatemala and leading a ministry has taught  me many things, by the grace of God.  He has used His Word, experiences and His people to reveal the darkness still hiding in me.

That may sound strange coming from someone many call a "missionary," but shouldn't be surprising considering that all sin and fall short of God's glory.  And our failures (falling shorts) usually are founded in our lack of obedience--our failure to say "yes" and carry through with what we say yes to.

Sometimes I just "forget" what I have commited to due to busyness and inattention.  More often though, I only partially commit to what I am asked to do, or need to "think about it" more and delay my obedience.

Giving a whole-hearted yes to Him when I realize I am stalling is the only way to really obey.  He showed me this one Sunday when I was attending a house church and had been profoundly touched by the sharing and encouragement of its members.  At the end of our time together, the leader asked, "What will your 'yes' be to God this week?"

In that moment I was convicted of how I was presently saying "yes" to a leading of the Holy Spirit, yet postponing doing anything to carry out what He had prompted me to do.  In that moment He revealed to me my tendency to giving Him a "half-hearted" yes, which didn't require anything from me but made me "feel" like I was being obedient.

In this case,  as a ministry we were being led to purchase a permanent home for our women.  I had already gone through the total dependence in faith required to purchase the men's home, and honestly, never wanted to have to do that again.  So, in fear and fatigue I was dragging my feet.  In my heart I was thinking (unconsciously), "Can't you just be satisfied with what we have already done?"  Nick's question immediately brought this darkness in me to light and demanded my repentance.  And, as I am obedient, I continue to be astonished at His provision and strength as we pursue this.

The home is not paid off yet, but I trust that it will be by January 2024 when the contract expires.  We are doing things to help make this happen (that's another blog) but recognizing that what we do is futile if God is not at the center of it.  So I try to listen, discern, confirm and act as He reveals.

This is not the first time I have given God a half-hearted yes.  Looking back at my life, I see a pattern of holding back on Him.  I pray this will be the last time I pretend to obey and fail to follow through.  No more half-hearted "yeses" from me!

Am I a SJW?

Our ministry works to bring about respect, dignity, equality and justice for those who the world ignores or rejects, especially the disabled and elderly.  There have been times when I've been labeled as more of a Social Justice Warrior than a missionary, because our focus is on sharing the Good News of Jesus through our actions--to build a relationship with people before asking them to begin a relationship with our Jesus.  I have many reasons for this, which I believe are Biblically sound, but that's another post.

Living outside of the US, I have to admit I was unfamiliar with the term, and even had to look it up.  Wester's Dictionary defines a Social Justice Warrior (or SJW) as:  

Social justice warrior and SJW are typically used with sardonic [mocking, cynical] application, referring to a person who is seen as overly enthusiastic about issues of fairness in the treatment of matters of race, gender, or identity.

Though I am passionately concerned about economic equity and the dignity of all people, especially those with disabilities, my primary goal is to enable all people to know who Jesus truly is (not just as a religious icon), I don't think this term quite fits.  

While I am not involved in the struggle for the just treatment of the three groups named above, I see the just treatment of all people as a Biblical requirement not a social construct or a political position.  If I say each man is made in the Imago Dei, or the image of God, and I believe Jesus when He says, "Whenever you failed to do one of these things to someone who was being overlooked or ignored, that was me—you failed to do it to me." (Matt. 25:49.MSG) I am afraid to do otherwise.

Today I came across a devotion from the writings of Henri Nouwen which explains my heart better than I could:

It [Christian social action] is not an anxious human effort to create a better world. It is a confident expression of the truth that in Christ, death, evil, and destruction have been overcome. It is not a fearful attempt to restore a broken order. It is a joyful assertion that in Christ all order has already been restored. . . those acting within the house of God point through their action to the healing, restoring, redeeming, and re-creating presence of God.

I believe the view expressed by Henri is the basis of all Christian social action and the impetus for the human service activities of our ministry. It may lead us into the social and political sector, redeeming these under then authority of Jesus.  It takes us outside the walls of the conventional church,  In fact, sometimes it is the conventional church structure we must confront.

Has your disability or a family members disability

prevented you from attending church?

Wherever it takes us, it is our sincere attempt to make the Kingdom of God present and visible to all people.  May we be found faithful.     

An afterthought:

Why to those of us who claim to follow Christ feel the need to diminish the work of others who have a different approach to advancing the Kingdom of God? Have we forgotten that the same Spirit gives differing gifts according to our particular call?  We can do better.

What CORONA-19 Has Taught Me

As I reflect on what I've learned and realized in the last 15 month, since the pandemic basically shut down Guatemala, and placed limits on my freedom, I have needed to confess, as well as celebrate, many things.

First, I realized how attached I am to the things of this world.  My freedom to move about freely, to buy what I want as well as need, to be independent and live as I want.  I like my life my way--and was hit smack in the face with the challenge to be content in all things--even lock-down and wearing masks.  I confess I discovered just how much I am of this world, not just in it, and needed to (and continue to need to) repent.  

I realized how attached I was to my activities, maybe even more than to the people in my life.  I was forced to trust God to keep my children and grandchildren safe, though they were far away and my mother's heart immediately wanted to go to them--as if I could do something to protect them.  I learned my own helplessness and struggled with resentment.

I was forced to see God's hand in this pandemic, even if it didn't fit in with my image of who God was supposed to be.  I don't believe He caused it, though He certainly permitted it.  I have seen how God has used this time of isolation to build my relationship with Him, making me less dependent on the somewhat artificial community of "church" and more dependent on the true community of the world-wide family of believers.  In the last year and 3 months I have called and Zoomed with more family (biological and spiritual) than I had in the last 10 years I lived in Guatemala.  I was forced to be responsible for my participation in community and not rely on an institution to provide it.

Did I miss gathering with other believers for worship?  Absolutely.  But when participating in the services of my home church here began to feel burdensome (it's much harder to pay attention when a service is in two languages, and the repetition leads to distraction--somehow it's different in person), I connected with churches I knew across the US.  I have come to love and appreciate that we are the universal Body of Christ as well as local gatherings.

I have been challenged to do everything without grumbling: when I had to plan my outings because we could only drive every other day and not all on Sunday,  When I have to wear a mask even though no one is within 100 yards of me (yes, in Guatemala masks are still required).  When my temperature is still taken every time I enter a store or public building, and my hands are chapped from hand sanitizer.  I am learning to count it all as joy, because I am alive.

In October I unknowingly contracted the virus, only finding out when I went to get test to return to Guatemala after a short visit to renew my visa after the airport here opened once again.  My short trip turned into two weeks in an extended stay hotel in Houston.  I was advised by a doctor friend in Houston on the best protocol of care, supplies were provided for me by by good friend Judy, and I learned that Walmart delivers.  In all I never suffered, only losing my sense of smell and having mild headaches for a few days.  This was shortly after two of my friends, much younger and in better health than I, had died from the virus.  

This could have turned out so much differently.  While it took me a while to recover my normal energy level (you don't realize this when cooped up in a hotel room), I suffer no long lasting effects.  That, too, is a miracle to me, since just yesterday I hugged a fellow missionary (again much younger and fitter than I) who is still periodically requiring oxygen, though he had Covid last August.  

So I have learned much about God's provision, not only for my health and strength but for our ministry. At a time when many ministries and nonprofits were closing (at least temporarily) God provided generously for us through you, His people.  We not only were able to continue our ministry full-force, but were able to extend ourselves to providing food for the elderly in San Pedro, the community where we are located.  I watched as God created ministry for the residents of Casa de Esperanza when I had failed to figure out how to do so.  I watched as our staff unselfishly worked a week at a time to limit the coming and going of outsiders to our homes.  We were cared for in more ways than I ever could have anticipated.

I guess to sum it up, during Covid-19, I have gained insight into just how big God is, and how small I am.

Family time

While my recent trip to the US was to renew my visa and attend the disbursing of ashes of a former co-worker, I manage to have a number of great visits with my children living in Omaha.

Going out to eat seems to be the  go-to activity for the grandsons--who amaze me at how much they can pack away.

Eliy who is now five has decided that Village Inn is our favorite place because he loves the pancakes and French fries (yes, eaten together!).  He is a great conversationalist, coming up with ideas which continue to amaze and surprise me.  He'll be starting Kindergarten in the fall, and is more than ready.  I am so proud of the great job Joel, a single dad, is doing raising him.

It's hard for me to believe that 15 year old Zach is in high school playing soccer on the Millard West J-V team..  I got to see a few of his games while I was home.  His busy schedule makes it hard to catch him, but we did squeeze in a few quality visits.

While my daughter-in-love, Lindy, is finishing another year teaching at Lewis and Clark Middle School in Omaha, my son Jeremy has been busy coaching Nathan's soccer team.  I have been so proud of Jeremy's work with these boys, and recently found out that both he and Zach are also serving as buddies for a special needs soccer club.  

Though Nate and I couldn't go to his usually grandma place, McDonalds, because the dining rooms were still closed, that didn't stop us from having our regular restaurant date.  Nate introduced me to a new (to me) restaurant, Jimmy's Egg, where ne managed to outdo his younger cousin, Eliy, in the quantity of pancakes he can consume.

Mikayla, Bryan and Owen surprised me a few months ago with the news that another child is soon to join their family.  Owen was excited to begin sporting this new shirt with the news.  This will bring the total number of my grandchildren to five,  but will add a granddaughter to the mix!  I have to admit that I am excited to begin buying little dresses and frilly things.

I will be coming to Omaha again in August to help Mikayla out during the last month of her pregnancy. I am so pleased she invited me to do this, and am looking forward to spending concentrated time with Bryan, Mik, and Owen.

Big brother, however, was not so excited by the news that he would have a baby sister, insisting that we only "have boys in our family."

A milk shake and the fact that Iron Man's baby was a little girl is helping him adjust to this news.

My son Jon, who lives in California, was the only child I didn't get to see this trip.  He has had a hard time lately, but is valiantly dealing with the death of his long time fur baby and totaling his car, both within a few weeks of each other.  I miss seeing him a lot.  Maybe a "California dreaming" trip needs to be in my future.

While I am grateful for the time I get to spend with my family, it seems each time I return to Guatemala it gets a little harder to leave them.  Each trip I realize how much I am missing as their lives go on without me.  I have to admit, it's the most difficult part of serving in Guatemala.  I trust God to care for them, and am so proud of how my children are living as adults and how my grandsons are developing.  I realize, though, how little I am a part of their everyday lives, and that's painful.  

The "family" I have found in Guatemala helps fill this void, but, honestly it's not the same.  For those of you who are thinking, "I could never leave my children," please don't share that with me.  It's not that I don't love my children as much as you do, but God has called me to surrender them to His greater plan and purpose.  What type of selfish legacy would I be leaving them if I failed to do this because it hurt too much?

Where is my loyalty? What is my first love?

I have always hated the term "Christian Nationalism."  As I see it, there is nothing Christian about nationalism, which is defined as "identification with one's own nation and support for its interests, especially to the exclusion or detriment of the interests of other nations."  Let me explain.

Nationalism reinforces the idea of "me first."  How can I, as a follower of Christ, hold to that belief when Scripture tells me clearly: "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." (Phil. 2:3-4) How can I say "America first" in the same break as I say "Jesus first?"

I strongly believe in patriotism, which is "devotion to and vigorous support for one's country."  I see this exercised by the respect the Guatemalan people have for their flag, their national anthem, and their history and tradition.  And the contrast I see between the nationalism of the US and its lack of patriotism is striking.

Are the values of the US the values that we find in the Bible? Not the theoretical values of the Constitution, but the day to day values seen in the way of life of the US.

If you are not a Christ-follower, this doesn't matter.  You are free to believe and act as you want.  If, however, I claim to follow Jesus, I am mandated to think with the mind of Christ, not my own wisdom.  Too often, God's way of thinking and acting does not make sense to me, but that is what I am commanded to do.  

When I say, "I surrender all,"  what do I mean?

Do I include my identity as a citizen of the US?  Remember, surrender does not mean renouncing, only submitting something to the will of God.

What is my first and primary identity?  That of an "American"? Or that of a Christ-follower?  I fear too many of us have forgotten or forsaken our primary identity as Christ-followers to be seen as good "Americans."  

When I surrender all, do I surrender my security and my life-style for the good of others?  Am I willing to surrender some of my comfort so others can live with minimal safety and have access to minimal resources to meet their needs? Do I worry more about my future than about the present struggle of those who are lacking the basic necessities of life today?  Do I think more about the monetary inheritance I will leave my children, than the spiritual legacy I will leave behind?

These are hard questions. But life in another country has forced me to face these in my own life.  Please don't say that I have the "luxury" of doing this because I live outside of the US.  My ability to serve is dependent on the fact that I come from the US and benefit from the prosperity of my homeland.  But my ability to survive on the mission field is not based on the economic security I receive from the US, but my daily ability to survive is based on the fact that I follow Christ, oftentimes into places I don't want to go.

Some of these "dilemmas" are simple.  Is it my American guilt or the conviction of the Holy Spirit when I pay $4 for a latte, and yet pass by women on the street with white flags indicating they have no food for their families?  Do I need my coffee more than they need my $4?  

Other dilemmas are more difficult.  How do I respond long term to the 23 year old, polite and respectful young man who is living on the streets and comes to my home every few days, asking for "pan" (bread)?  Do I give him bread with refried beans and feel I've done enough?  Or do I offer him a hot meal on my doorstep, and sit with him while he eats it?  Do I try to help him with the impossible task of finding work when he only has a 3rd grade education, or do I help him complete 6th grade, where he might have a chance of finding a job which will provide enough for him to rent a room?  

What is my responsibility to this man, who I believe Jesus has brought to my door, when he falls outside of my "scope of ministry," but more importantly, outside of my comfort zone?  I'm still trying to figure that out. 

Please pray for me that I am open to God's guidance in responding to this and the myriad of needs I face each day.  It's far too easy to say "Reason to Hope first" and ignore those God brings into my life who don't fit in to "what I am called to do."

If I've learned anything. . .

 People often ask me what it is like to live on the mission field. I have never known how to respond until today. It is HUMBLING. I have learned how little I understood about myself, the world, and God. Today in my quiet time God put together some ideas that have been rolling around in my head for a while. I am sharing them with my friends not our to condemnation but confession. This is what I have learned, and to not share it with you would be selfish. So here goes. .

Living in Guatemala, I often reflect on the role of culture in shaping my beliefs, attitudes, thoughts, and actions. The longer I am here, the less I am shaped by the culture of the United States, and the more I am shaped by the culture of Latin American, especially the culture of poverty. Yet, I am neither fully “American” (though it is my passport country) nor am I Guatemalan.

Yes, I and grateful to the United States and all the opportunities it has provided me. But I love Guatemala for the way it has opened my eyes to how those same opportunities have blinded me—to the fact that we in the US are not more deserving or superior than those of other nations and that success and material gain have become our idols (how much of the success of a government is measured by the state of the economy, and how much is measured by how Jesus, in the form of the “least of these” is treated?). I learned about Manifest Destiny in school, but never saw it in action until I lived outside of the US. Too many of us think that the United States is now God’s chosen nation.

A nation, including Israel, was not chosen because it was superior to other nations, but chosen because God had a specific purpose for it to fulfill—the coming of the Messiah. If in any way you believe that the US is chosen by God, favored above other nations, stop and ask yourself what God’s purpose for the US might be, and whether or not it is fulfilling it.

We say we “were/are” a Christian country because the nation was founded on Christian principles. I don’t argue that for a minute. But that is Law, Old Testament do what is right in action. But did the US even have a change of heart and turn to live, not on Christian principles and traditions, but on the desire to truly follow God? That I don’t see so much.

We ask God to bless our desires and efforts, and tell him what he should do rather than ask what we should do. The reaction to the last election by many who follow Christ has shown me just how far we have to go. God permitted the new administration to be elected. Stolen or won honestly, he permitted it—just as he permitted Assyrian and Babylonia to conquer Israel. The challenge now is to live as Christ-followers no matter who is in office, or what restrictions may come. That is the history of Christianity in most of history and the world.

So maybe, instead of complaining about it, we need to stop and ask God “WHY?” Not with self- pity, but with a real desire to understand what he is doing in the world today. I don't think it is clear at all--but he can give us clarity if we seek it. As Blackerby teaches--look at what God is doing and then ask him how he would have us join in.

I love the United States. I am proud of the fact that both my father and my son have served as Marines in defending liberty. But I love the world, too. I see just how insulated I was to the suffering of the world, even though I often chose to work in areas of poverty in the US. It is possible to love the country of your birth and still love the world. The kingdom of God goes far beyond the borders of the United States, and I long most to be a good citizen of that kingdom.

In the world but not of the world--HOW?

 

We are told to “be in the world but not of the world.”  True, some are called to withdraw from society to be able to live a life totally dedicated to God.  For most of us, though, the call is to stay in our same communities, jobs, social and political activities and live a life totally dedicated to God in these “worldly” places.  To reveal the presence of Jesus into places where he might not otherwise be recognized. 

 

Though I live on the “mission field,” the truth is that for what most people is “the ends of the earth” has become my “Jerusalem”--my ordinary life, my regular neighborhood.  So, while being a missionary might sound exotic or even romantic, and my “world” might look very different from what it was in the past, the challenge remains the same.  To live in this world but not be attached to it.

 

I have tried many ways to do this, some more successful than others.  Today I realized there is a simple answer:  to “seek first the kingdom of God” and trust him to take care of everything else. To be transformed by the RENEWING of my mind by God's Word and his Spirit. To realize I don't have it all together, and don't have all the answers, and continually (renewing is an active verb) be looking to him to enlighten me--open the eyes of my heart to the truth.

This leads me to live life from a different paradigm—one in which everything is measured by it’s “eternal merit”(a lesson taught to me by one of my favorite pastors). Where every action s evaluated by it's ability to further the Kingdom of God here on earth. It is a life viewed, through a different lens in which everything is filtered through the Holy Spirit as the Spirit of Love.

 

True, God is much more than just love—he is justice and truth.  Too often I try to step in for God and exercise his justice for him, or make others believe the truth as I see it.  (God is absolute truth.  I am aware, though, how often my understanding of His truth is flawed.) I speak boldly and with conviction,  but I do so far outside of the Spirit of Love.  Often it is from fear, frustration or even anger, being disgusted with the way things are going or what others are doing.  

 

Any time, however, I step out of love in speaking the truth, I am of the world.  Any time I try to exercise God’s justice for him (he can do it very well himself, thank you) and take matters into my own hands to try to make people do what I believe is righteous, I am of the world.  Just like Eve in the garden, or Abraham with Hagar, I am telling God that he is not enough, doing enough, or doing it fast enough.

 

This does not mean I adopt a passive stance toward life.  I am still involved in the world—I am in the world.  I show up, am present, in the social, moral, political and familial events of the world.  I am involved in the culture and society in which I live, trying to reveal Jesus’ presence, often in the most difficult and ugly places.  But I am detached from the outcome.  I leave this in the hands of my Father, who does not call me to be successful, but only to be faithful (Thomas Merton).

 

God is present in each moment of our lives, even the most sinful and most difficult.  The problem is that we often fail to recognize him, and seldom respond in a way which acknowledges his presence.  I want to change this in my life.  I will seek first the Kingdom of God, live as a resident of this kingdom, and leave the rest to Him.

 

 

 

 

 

Vultures or eagles

 Vultures or Eagles

For weeks I’ve been watching the birds circling over the mountains as I pray each morning.  They have made me want to soar like eagles.  They reminded me of eagles.

Today, as I sat watching them fly in circles, in organized groups, I came to a horrible realization.  I don’t know if we have eagles in Guatemala, but even if we do, I don’t think they fly in groups, even if the do fly in circles (I really do not know much about eagles).  I was struck between the eyes with the reality of what I was seeing.

Given what I know about Guatemala, the birds that I had been so romantically watching and longing to be like were most probably vultures!  Why had I not known this earlier?

My frame of reference growing up in the Chicago was to look for eagles.  If they were in Chicago, I never saw one, but they were our national bird.  Even the Bible tells us we can soar as on wings of eagles.  My experience had taught me, “See a big bird, think of an eagle.”

Vultures were totally foreign to my life prior to Guatemala.  I remember the first time I saw a flock of vultures scavenging a trash heap on the way to Santa Maria.  I was scared and revolted at the same time.  I actually felt nauseous , though could not bring myself to look away.  Their was something fascinating about these awful creatures.  (I’m sure they do fill some plan in God’s creation, but in my limited experience, they indicated death.  Thank you to the westerns I had watched with my Dad on TV as I was growing up.)

What this experience has taught me is how easily my past experiences and the culture in which I grew up color how I interpret what I see and hear.  It’s almost automatic, and surely was unconscious in this case. I believe this is where prejudices come from.  Our prior experiences cause us to try to construct meaning out of what we see and hear, but we are limited in our ability to interpret the facts correctly because we have only the lens of our personal past through which to view them.

How often do I think something is good and beautiful, only to find out on closer inspection it is ugly and dangerous.  Isn't this what sin is like?

From our human experience and our physical appetites, something can look beautiful and appealing.  Because we are drawn to it, we pursue this desire, thinking we are heading to our best.  Only too late do we realize that what we are seeking is a predator, seeking only to pick over our bones.

This is where God’s commands are designed to protect us.  Because of his perspective which is so much higher and clearer than ours, he can distinguish the vultures from the eagles before we are able to.  He gives us law to put a barrier between us and the vultures, and asks us to trust him not to go closer.

And we must decide.  Will we trust and obey his greater and grander frame of reference to lead us, or will we rely on our own puny perspective to guide us?  The choice is ours.

I pray I am humble enough to make the right one.

What does it mean to be blessed?

I am often saying to people, "God bless you" or "have a blessed New Year."  Today God has led me to reflect on what I mean by this, as well as how those I say it to might interpret it.

In Western society we have distorted the meaning of being bless as having good fortune, getting what we desire, or living in comfort.  We are so accustomed to wealth and a life of relative ease (in comparison to most of the world) that we have developed an incredibly low tolerance for pain and even inconvenience.  

Few of us feel blessed in 2020 due to the inconvenience and uncertainty imposed on us by the Covid pandemic.  Our lives as we have known and liked them have drastically changed.  We find ourselves frustrated, fearful and filled with discontent.  Yet, for some of us, 2020 has been a year of great blessing and we have learned to be quiet, be alone with God, and begin to understand what it means to live with God's favor.

I have learned this distinction living in a country of extreme poverty, among people who have very little in the way of material possessions, comfort, or convenience, yet believe themselves (correctly) to be greatly blessed by God.  It is this Biblical blessing I wish for you this coming year.

In searching for the meaning of being blessed, I first, of course, look to Scripture.  The passage in the Bible where the word "blessed" is used most frequently is found in the Sermon on the Mount, where Jesus himself tells us what it means to be blessed.  Careful examinations of this Scripture shows me just how much I have distorted the meaning of being blessed, exchanging it for temporal comforts and pleasures, and forsaking the offer of those things which last for eternity.

Seldom to I wish for others to be "poor in spirit," "persecuted for the sake of righteousness," "mourn," or live as one who is "meek." But these are who, along with the merciful, those who long for justice and peace, and remain pure of heart in a world of darkness, are those who are called "Blessed" by Jesus.  (Matt. 5: 3-10). 

He goes on to say, "Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me." (Matt. 5:11)   How can I wish these things for those I love and care for?  But isn't this exactly what Jesus is saying we should see to be and desire to have present in our lives? 

How can any of these things make me "happy" (a word often used to demonstrate the meaning of blessed)?  

Don't we often used the word "blessed" to refer to those good things in life which we do not deserve,  and identifying these things as signs of God's love for us?  The problem with this is that the things of the "good life" can make us self-sufficient and proud, depending on ourselves while giving lip-service to the provision of God in our lives.  The more I have in terms of material possessions, the more I seem to "need" just a "little bit more."  

Can God give us good gifts materially?  Of course.  He gives us these things, though, as a means of serving Him.  We are blessed so we can bless others, not accumulate more for ourselves.  This was the challenge Jesus posed to the rich young ruler in the Gospel (Matt. 19:21).  It would seem that his possessions are precisely what kept him from following Jesus.  This too can happen to us when we are comfortable and secure in our lives in this world.  Perhaps this is why Jesus spends so much time in the Beatitudes to teach us what it means to be blessed spiritually, and eternally.

Blessed does not mean we will be comfortable, or secure.  Rather, Jesus promises us that if we embrace the life style He identifies in the Sermon on the Mount that we all be shown mercy, comforted, and filled with good things.  We will inherit not only the earth but the kingdom of God, and be privileged to be call children of God.  We will become holy, and more like Him.

This, then, is what I wish for you.  To be blessed with all the blessings promised by Jesus, and experience the satisfaction of growing closer to Him daily.  This can be done, regardless of our circumstances, if we set our heart of the things of God.  

May you be blessed and be a blessing to others.

Liberation from my disappointment

 My wish for you for 2021 is liberation from the disappointment of 2020.  I wish you the ability to forgive “the reality of 2020” for all the things you perceive it has robbed you of and look for the transformation God has brought about through challenging our life-styles.

There are many disappointments which want to carry themselves over from 2020 into the new year. 

 

Of course, the pandemic is the first that comes to mind and the fears we have associated with it.  Whether it is fear that this is a conspiracy of a shadow government, and attempt to control people by use of masks and quarantine, a fear of contracting the virus itself, or the fear of what is happening to the economy because of the shut-down, we need to let them go.  None of this surprised our all-powerful God, and I have to trust that He will make all things work together for our good if we love Him and surrender and follow the purpose for which He created us.  I need to trust in His love for me, and allow His perfect love to cast out fear of the effects of the past and the possibilities of the future.

 

I have stubbornly refused to use the term the “new normal” because I won’t embrace the way we are having to live right now as the way we will live in the future.  I prefer “inter-rim normal” as it indicates we are in a time of transition.  I doubt we will ever return to the life-style we lived prior to 2020, but I trust that the “normal” we are creating for the future will be passed through God’s hands.  I may not like it, but I will surrender to it—since really all my fears, complaints and arguments will change nothing . My self-focus only leads me into a self-preservation stance which serves to harden my heart toward those I am called to love.

 

The election of 2020 was another major disappointment, no matter which side of the aisle you choose to sit on.  One of the telling “disappointments” for me was watching the first debate with some of our staff who, shocked at the disrespectful behavior of the candidates asked me, “These are the people who run your country?”  I can find little to respect in the campaign, election, or transition of 2020.  I also find little to respect in the way many of us Christ-followers have responded to these situations.  So the election has produced a deep disappointment in me.

 

I am disappointed by the lack of fellowship forced on us by the closing of churches, the halt of meeting in Bible Studies and just the fun activities of being part of the Body of Christ.  Some feel that this is destroying the church.  Perhaps God is using these times to transform the His church. 

 

Rather than relying on a pastor to “feed” me, as an adult, I am forced to feed myself on the Word, and disciple those under my authority, whether they be children, employees, or residents.  I can no longer give over to the institution of the church those things which are required of me as a member of the church.  

 

Fellowship has looked different for me this year. The organizational fellowship fostered by the institutional church has enabled me to take little responsibility for the fellowship of believers beyond just showing up.  I have been forced outside of my comfort zone to reach out to people to connect with them on a more intimate level than ever before.  I may have fellowshipped with fewer believers during the shut-down, but the encounters I have had have been richer and more meaningful—have been more life giving—than any group activities I have attended in churches.  I am grateful for Zoom and Facebook Video Messenger which have given me the ability to see those I reach out to, whether in Guatemala or far away.  

 

I am sorely disappointed in the way the pandemic has affected those who are most vulnerable: children, the elderly, the homeless, those with disabilities.  The structures of government, social services, education and even the church have failed to care for those who are easily forgotten.  Again, though, I see how, as a society, we have handed over to institutions those responsibilities which rightfully belong to families and to the Body of Christ.  I have personally been challenged to find new and creative ways of reaching out to these disenfranchised groups.  It is much harder to do now, it requires more of me personally, but it is not impossible.  I am learning how to die to myself, to my own comfort, to serve those around me.

 

I could go on and on, but I think you get the idea.  

 

But:  

 

”What if the challenges of the current moment are actually offering us an invitation to let go of our ideas of freedom and mobility and to consciously participate with reality in a new way?” ~~Richard Rohr

 

Can you consider this for just one moment?  Will you open yourself to the possibility that God is calling us to die to our ideas of what life should be and live in the moment of the life that IS?

 

Please don’t think I am asking you to ignore the disappointments you have suffered at the hands of 2020.  Far from it.  I am asking you to join me in acknowledging the disappointments, feel their pain, lament them to the Father, and surrender 2021 to His good pleasure.  I am asking you to no longer hold on to the hurts of 2020, but embrace with hope what the Lord has for you in 2021, trusting that His heart toward you is good.

 

Happy New Year!  Let’s make it the best year yet.