What CORONA-19 Has Taught Me

As I reflect on what I've learned and realized in the last 15 month, since the pandemic basically shut down Guatemala, and placed limits on my freedom, I have needed to confess, as well as celebrate, many things.

First, I realized how attached I am to the things of this world.  My freedom to move about freely, to buy what I want as well as need, to be independent and live as I want.  I like my life my way--and was hit smack in the face with the challenge to be content in all things--even lock-down and wearing masks.  I confess I discovered just how much I am of this world, not just in it, and needed to (and continue to need to) repent.  

I realized how attached I was to my activities, maybe even more than to the people in my life.  I was forced to trust God to keep my children and grandchildren safe, though they were far away and my mother's heart immediately wanted to go to them--as if I could do something to protect them.  I learned my own helplessness and struggled with resentment.

I was forced to see God's hand in this pandemic, even if it didn't fit in with my image of who God was supposed to be.  I don't believe He caused it, though He certainly permitted it.  I have seen how God has used this time of isolation to build my relationship with Him, making me less dependent on the somewhat artificial community of "church" and more dependent on the true community of the world-wide family of believers.  In the last year and 3 months I have called and Zoomed with more family (biological and spiritual) than I had in the last 10 years I lived in Guatemala.  I was forced to be responsible for my participation in community and not rely on an institution to provide it.

Did I miss gathering with other believers for worship?  Absolutely.  But when participating in the services of my home church here began to feel burdensome (it's much harder to pay attention when a service is in two languages, and the repetition leads to distraction--somehow it's different in person), I connected with churches I knew across the US.  I have come to love and appreciate that we are the universal Body of Christ as well as local gatherings.

I have been challenged to do everything without grumbling: when I had to plan my outings because we could only drive every other day and not all on Sunday,  When I have to wear a mask even though no one is within 100 yards of me (yes, in Guatemala masks are still required).  When my temperature is still taken every time I enter a store or public building, and my hands are chapped from hand sanitizer.  I am learning to count it all as joy, because I am alive.

In October I unknowingly contracted the virus, only finding out when I went to get test to return to Guatemala after a short visit to renew my visa after the airport here opened once again.  My short trip turned into two weeks in an extended stay hotel in Houston.  I was advised by a doctor friend in Houston on the best protocol of care, supplies were provided for me by by good friend Judy, and I learned that Walmart delivers.  In all I never suffered, only losing my sense of smell and having mild headaches for a few days.  This was shortly after two of my friends, much younger and in better health than I, had died from the virus.  

This could have turned out so much differently.  While it took me a while to recover my normal energy level (you don't realize this when cooped up in a hotel room), I suffer no long lasting effects.  That, too, is a miracle to me, since just yesterday I hugged a fellow missionary (again much younger and fitter than I) who is still periodically requiring oxygen, though he had Covid last August.  

So I have learned much about God's provision, not only for my health and strength but for our ministry. At a time when many ministries and nonprofits were closing (at least temporarily) God provided generously for us through you, His people.  We not only were able to continue our ministry full-force, but were able to extend ourselves to providing food for the elderly in San Pedro, the community where we are located.  I watched as God created ministry for the residents of Casa de Esperanza when I had failed to figure out how to do so.  I watched as our staff unselfishly worked a week at a time to limit the coming and going of outsiders to our homes.  We were cared for in more ways than I ever could have anticipated.

I guess to sum it up, during Covid-19, I have gained insight into just how big God is, and how small I am.

Family time

While my recent trip to the US was to renew my visa and attend the disbursing of ashes of a former co-worker, I manage to have a number of great visits with my children living in Omaha.

Going out to eat seems to be the  go-to activity for the grandsons--who amaze me at how much they can pack away.

Eliy who is now five has decided that Village Inn is our favorite place because he loves the pancakes and French fries (yes, eaten together!).  He is a great conversationalist, coming up with ideas which continue to amaze and surprise me.  He'll be starting Kindergarten in the fall, and is more than ready.  I am so proud of the great job Joel, a single dad, is doing raising him.

It's hard for me to believe that 15 year old Zach is in high school playing soccer on the Millard West J-V team..  I got to see a few of his games while I was home.  His busy schedule makes it hard to catch him, but we did squeeze in a few quality visits.

While my daughter-in-love, Lindy, is finishing another year teaching at Lewis and Clark Middle School in Omaha, my son Jeremy has been busy coaching Nathan's soccer team.  I have been so proud of Jeremy's work with these boys, and recently found out that both he and Zach are also serving as buddies for a special needs soccer club.  

Though Nate and I couldn't go to his usually grandma place, McDonalds, because the dining rooms were still closed, that didn't stop us from having our regular restaurant date.  Nate introduced me to a new (to me) restaurant, Jimmy's Egg, where ne managed to outdo his younger cousin, Eliy, in the quantity of pancakes he can consume.

Mikayla, Bryan and Owen surprised me a few months ago with the news that another child is soon to join their family.  Owen was excited to begin sporting this new shirt with the news.  This will bring the total number of my grandchildren to five,  but will add a granddaughter to the mix!  I have to admit that I am excited to begin buying little dresses and frilly things.

I will be coming to Omaha again in August to help Mikayla out during the last month of her pregnancy. I am so pleased she invited me to do this, and am looking forward to spending concentrated time with Bryan, Mik, and Owen.

Big brother, however, was not so excited by the news that he would have a baby sister, insisting that we only "have boys in our family."

A milk shake and the fact that Iron Man's baby was a little girl is helping him adjust to this news.

My son Jon, who lives in California, was the only child I didn't get to see this trip.  He has had a hard time lately, but is valiantly dealing with the death of his long time fur baby and totaling his car, both within a few weeks of each other.  I miss seeing him a lot.  Maybe a "California dreaming" trip needs to be in my future.

While I am grateful for the time I get to spend with my family, it seems each time I return to Guatemala it gets a little harder to leave them.  Each trip I realize how much I am missing as their lives go on without me.  I have to admit, it's the most difficult part of serving in Guatemala.  I trust God to care for them, and am so proud of how my children are living as adults and how my grandsons are developing.  I realize, though, how little I am a part of their everyday lives, and that's painful.  

The "family" I have found in Guatemala helps fill this void, but, honestly it's not the same.  For those of you who are thinking, "I could never leave my children," please don't share that with me.  It's not that I don't love my children as much as you do, but God has called me to surrender them to His greater plan and purpose.  What type of selfish legacy would I be leaving them if I failed to do this because it hurt too much?