It made me think of an old woman I pass quite often outside of Camperos. She is very elderly, looks very frail, and has a huge goiter. I'm usually in too much of a hurry to stop even to give her a few coins, though I do pray for her. As I listened to the story of how this young man came to Christ, I felt James 2:16 ringing in my ears:
16If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it?
The sermon today was on "What Does God Expect." It felt like a sucker-punch when Pastor Mike used James 2:17 as one of his first Scriptures: In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. Okay, God, I hear you; I get it. Tomorrow I will find this woman, and not only give her a donation, but explain why I am doing so. . .because God told me to.
I wish that were the end of it, but God wasn't about to let me off the hook yet. Mike shared with us that 2 billion people profess to be Christians. That's 1 out of every 3 people in the world today. Why, he asked, don't we see more of an impact on the world by those who claim to follow Christ? He suggested that we don't really mean it when we pray "Thy kingdom come." How we live "my kingdom come" and constantly challenge God saying "when is enough enough?" And I think of the Ray Boltz song, "What If I Gave All?"
Mike has called our church to 24 hours of prayer and fasting, beginning Wednesday at 6:30 and ending Thursday at 6:30, seeking God and asking Him to help us get serious about what He calls us to do to bring Jesus into the dark places in our community. He's asking us to intentionally and sincerely pray, "Lord, please break my heart with the things that break your heart."
I have to admit that I'm not crazy about praying that prayer. I prefer a sanitized version, along the lines of "Lord, please give me a heart after Your heart. Change my desires to line up with Your desires, change my passions to line up with Your passions." I really don't want my heart to break. I think of the few times I have let God break me with someone whose situation I know breaks His heart. I think back to Lisvi, a 6 year old who died shortly after Dick and I brought her and her family into see the doctors at Hermano Pedro. I don't like my heart breaking. Can't I just serve, without having to feel anything? I fear I'm once again back to my old stance, "Lord, I want to serve you, but it hurts too much." Again, I am convicted.
And I realize that, though I'm on the mission field, I have yet to give my all. . .
Forgive me, Father, for the selfishness and fear that lead me to hold back from You and Your people. Forgive my indifference when I am in a hurry. Forgive my indifference when I follow empty ritual. Forgive my ego, which at time takes pride in thinking that I've given all, when it's really You, Jesus, who's given all for me.
Postscript: morning of August 30
This morning I opened the devotion I regularly receive from Ransomed Heart ministries, and read:
True strength does not come out of bravado. Until we are broken, our life will be self-centered, self-reliant; our strength will be our own. So long as you think you are really something in and of yourself, what will you need God for? . . . As Frederick Buechner says, "The trouble with steeling yourself against the harshness of reality is that the same steel that secures your life against being destroyed secures your life also against being opened up an:d transformed." (The Sacred Journey)
I guess I'm hearing Him. . .not sure I like it. . .guess it's time to put my talk into walk. . .
(To read the whole devotion, click here, scroll down and click the link for Daily Readings and choose August 30.)
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