I think I must have been tired or touchy or something. But it irritated the snot out of me to once again walk into the children's ward and find the nurses more engaged in making decorations than they were with the kids. All the kids were inside, some still in bed. No one was allowed outside today because the doctor has decided that's why so many kids are getting colds. I know it's the rainy season but it's spring like temps. I wonder what it will be like in January when the temperatures do get cold. Besides, cold air does NOT cause colds (sorry, Mom, but it's true!).
The kids were still anxious to work, though, and work we did, with a short pause for lunch. After lunch all the kids (even the ones who usually are left up) were put to bed. I tried to make the best of it by working with them in their beds. How I miss the days only a few years ago when I was physically more able to lift and carry kids. The only ones I can get out are the smaller ones, or those, who, like Ervin, can and will support their weight. God help me, though, if I have to get him back in bed alone!
Today it seemed a number of kids were especially needy. Henry's mother had just brought him back from a visit home, and he was very sad. Elmer was cranky and cried every time he didn't get his way. Bobbie felt like I had ignored him, and sobbed when it was time to put the activities away for lunch, because he hadn't had a turn. Byron's electric chair was broken (though Dick managed to MacGuyver it back together again), and since he couldn't move around on his own wanted constant attention. And my precious Ervin, he was just Ervin.
How I wish there were five of me. How I wish the nurses would join in with what we're doing. How I wish I had a real place to work when we can't be outside.
But I can spend my time wishing, complaining about how things aren´t the way I want them to be, or I can focus on the one child that is in front of my right now. Believe me, I want to cry, complain, today even maybe scream a little. But, though that might (probably would) make me feel better, I really don't think it would do much for the kids who today needed some lovin'. Today, though, for some reason, it was hard to get my mind off of myself and focus on what they needed. It was hard to be patient when Byron dropped the spoon he was trying to put in the tray for the 10th time, and wanted me to pick it up RIGHT NOW! It was hard to remember how far Ervin has come when he would purposely knock the spoon out of Byron's hand just as he was about to get it into the tray. It was hard to be patient when 7 kids all want attention, and there are 3 more lying in their beds crying and I can't get to all of them.
And as I write this, I realize just how much I am like the kids. I stumble daily in my attempts to love. I carelessly smack (maybe just with words, but they hurt nonetheless) at those closest to me when I don't get my way. And sometimes I just want someone to notice me, to pay attention to me. And my Father patiently puts up with me in all these times. More than that, He pursues me, comforts me, heals me.
And I know He'll come through for me tonight, for I can say with Paul:
7But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 2Cor. 4:7-9
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