March 15, 2009

Well, today I've done it. This weekend I wrote and today I sent out a letter to my friends asking for prayer support as I prepare to move to Guatemala.

I didn't expect writing this letter to be so hard, or sending it to be so scary, but it was. What if I don't say it right? What if I come off sounding like a beggar? What if they don't understand? What if I can't do it? What if . . .?

And as I write this, I see that's where all the difficulty lies. I keep playing what if. I keep resisting the ruthless trust our Father calls us to. I keep paying attention to the lies my enemy plants in my mind, and let them seep into my heart. When all I need to do is focus on the Giver of all good things. I need to trust in Paul's reminder, to be confident "that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (Phil. 1:6) To keep at the forefront of my mind, that God is faithful. I believe He has invited me into this process. And that even though I don't have any idea what the future will really look like, He does. And it is good, because He is good.

As I think/pray about all this, Luke 9:62 keeps coming to mind: Jesus replied, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God." It's taken me days to be able to say this verse with confidence, rather than shame or guilt at looking back. I suddenly have realized that Jesus wasn't criticizing us for grieving what we leave behind when we follow Him. He was reminding us to look ahead to the promise, to the One who gives the promise and has the power to fulfill it. I think He was trying to tell us that the only way we can serve well is not to focus on anything but what we see God doing and join in. Thank you, Father, for the promise.