As I reflect on my last post, I once again realize how much energy I waste on fear. I have been absolutely overwhelmed by the responses I've gotten to my letter. The encouragement, support and even admonitions to be "careful" have made me more aware of what good friends God has given me.
It has been hard, though, to know how to respond to those who have said things like, "You're so brave to be doing this," or "This is so noble." I appreciate what they are trying to say to me, but this doesn't feel noble at all. It feels as natural as drawing my next breath. It is my passion and the desire of my heart, as well as what God is calling me to. I would be more afraid of the regrets I would have if I did NOT follow this call.
This all sounds so un-holy, human, not supernatural. But I am coming, each day, to appreciate more and more that God has planted our desires in our heart, and he wants to fulfill them. Not the fleshly, selfish wants we all fall into, but the truest passions of our heart, are from Him. And they are good as long as we desire Him ABOVE all else. Ps. 37:4 tells us: Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. How sad that we have made desire something to be feared or shamed.
I wish I could put into words the joy, excitement, expectation I'm experiencing as God is starting to move in the direction of giving me the desires of my heart. I sit in utter amazement at the goodness of our God.
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A more-than-middle-aged mom of four, moving to Central America. . .as my kids say, "What's up with that?" I invite you to travel with me as I attempt to understand the movement of God in my heart and in my life. It promises to be quite a ride!
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