A Day with a Remarkable Family, Jan. 20

I went to Hermano Pedro fairly early this morning to meet Jessica #2, her mother Sandra, and her sister Vanessa. We had met only about a week ago when we visited them in their home in Vera Cruz, near Patulul. They were here to see the doctor and find out if there was any way Jessica could stay at Hermano Pedro as a resident, so her mother could work without worrying about her, and her eleven year old sister could return to school. Dick had been able to talk with Father Jose, the administrator of Hermano Pedro, and seemed hopeful that they would have a place for Jessica.

When I arrived, I found Jessica setting independently in a chair, taking in everything that was going on around her in the clinics. Sandra told me that they needed to go for a neurological exam to a clinic across town, but she had already figured out how to get there and back for a 2:00 appointment with the doctor. This lady was really on top of things, and is about the first Guatemalan mom I’ve met who knows how to advocate for her child effectively.



While she didn’t need my “help” in navigating the clinics, I believe she did need my moral support. I could see in her eyes how difficult this decision to place her child outside the home was for her. She knew it was the right thing, not only for Jessica, but for her sister, but she still was in great pain doing so. I tried to encourage her, reminding her she was not relinquishing Jessica, only allowing her to be cared for when she couldn’t. Sandra also talked a lot about how this was better for Jessica in the long run, when she would become too big for them to care for on their own. Again, I think this is the first time I have heard a Guatemalan mom think about the long-range future of their child. Sandra pretty much amazed me with her skills, insight and confidence in dealing with the system. I hope she will become a good friend.

When they returned from the neurology clinic, Vanessa, Jessica’s eleven year old sister and I got to spend some time together. I took her into the children’s area of the orphanage, and introduced her to some of the kids. She was especially delighted to meet Saul, who played ball with her (he would throw the ball out of the crib and she would throw it back to her) and with Julio, who flirted shamelessly with this pretty little girl.



We also went across the street to where the vendors sell food, and got lunch for Sandra, Jessica and Vanessa. She couldn’t believe that I was buying them EACH their own lunch, and was so excited that she got to pick the food for them. She knew exactly what her mom and Jessica would like, and couldn’t wait to get back to show them what we had gotten.

Later, when we were waiting for her mom who was talking to the social work department, I got to see first hand how well she cares for her sister. Though Jessica doesn’t talk, it seems Vanessa can anticipate her needs and wants. While many girls would resent taking care of a disabled sister, Vanessa seems to do it without any thought. When we talked about the possibility of her being able to return to school if Jessica came to Hermano Pedro, her face totally lit up. She showed just how tender and generous her heart was when she disappeared for a few minutes to talk to Mom, and returned with a pair of earrings for me. She had bought two pairs, hoping she would be able to get her ears pierced on this trip. (She asked me to do it, but I do draw the line sometimes, at giving people what they ask for! I did think, for a minute, about calling Pablo, the med. student son in my family, and seeing if he could do it, but then I thought again.) When I asked her if she was sure she wanted to give me a pair of her earrings, she replied, “Yes, because you’re helping us.” Okay, I cried.

I also got to evaluate some of Jessica’s skills while we were waiting in the halls for her appointments, much to the interest of the other patients waiting for their own appointments. I was please to learn the Jessica imitated immediately, picked up on how to do new tasks quickly, and understood directions such as “Open your hand” without difficulty. I think this little girl has a lot of potential, even imitating sounds. By the end of our time together, she was calling, “Pa-pa,” when she wanted my attention. I and choosing to think this is her way of trying to say Pat.

Mom emerged from Social Work, saying the doctor had recommended Jessica be admitted, and there was a chance she would be able to stay immediately. They would return tomorrow morning to find out the details of the admission.

As I walked home, I contemplated the strength and courage of this mother I had just met. Some mothers keep their disabled child at home, often tied in a hammock, because it is too painful for them to think of “giving up” their child. Others, quite literally “dump” their child at Hermano Pedro without a second thought—often because it is too painful to think about them. I anticipate that Sandra will be a mom who stays involved and concerned, even if she has to do it from a distance. She was happy to know that Jessica could return home for Christmas and Easter, and that if her circumstances ever changed, she is always able to take her back home. Sandra is another woman I am privileged to walk beside through a particularly challenging time in her life. I am blessed by her friendship.