Caught between two cultures

I sit in the Houston airport, awaiting the plane that will take me home to Guatemala. I fondly remember the many times I sat here, nervous with anticipation, as I set off on the adventure to visit this country which was to become my home. And I marvel at how I have changed.

These semi-annual trips have become somewhat routine. And, while I am anxious once again to return home to Antigua and my boys, I have to admit that the nervous anticipation now comes when I leave Guatemala for my visits to the States, anxious to see my family and friends, and share with them how God and Guatemala is changing me.

While in Guatemala, I don't miss the relative luxury I live in at my "home away from home." I all too quickly become accustomed to it. Decisions, such as which kind of English muffin to order with my huge American breakfast take on monumental proportions until I find myself caught short--amazed at what has become important to me in a few short days. And I repent of how fast my flesh takes over me thinking.

I  feel caught between two worlds, really belonging in neither, but partially at home in each.

In truth, I now feel more comfortable in my adopted country. I enjoy the slower pace, the value placed on family and relationships, the simple goals pursued by most of the people I live with:  to have a roof over their heads, enough food to eat, health and maybe a little left over for a "treat" occasionally.  And, while I will never be Guatemalan, I appreciate the changes my new homeland is making in me and the way I view life.

But I am still born and bred a US citizen, with all the good and bad that brings. I struggle to adjust to the differences in the activities of daily life which are so different in the two cultures.  I experience a bit of culture shock each time I move back and forth between the two countries I am bound to by love and relationships.

Nothing is convenient in Guatemala. Not grocery shopping, not bill paying, not banking, not car ownership. Everything seems to require conscious effort, planning and patience. And even then, it doesn't always work out the way I anticipated.

In the US, it seems, life is arranged for comfort and convenience. It seems everything is designed to give ME exactly what I want. Restaurant menus have pages of meals from which I can choose, and, once I decide on what I want to eat, there are still more options from which I must choose before my order is complete.

One day I decided to simplify my lunch, going to the grocery store to buy cheese and crackers. I was literally overwhelmed at the choices of crackers available to me, and, after being mesmerized by the options, defaulted to the familiar Ritz brand. Even then, there were plain crackers, butter crackers, large crackers, small crackers, crackers with peanut butter, others with cheese.

The options were overwhelming, and the choices exhausting. And I get caught up in this life-style of small things taking on great importance. As if the kind of cracker I eat with my cheese, the type of muffin with my breakfast, really makes a difference!  How quickly I get caught up in the confusion between my wants and needs.

(Side note:  This was brought home to me the other day, as a read a Facebook post from a friend I love, stating that her two year old NEEDS a tablet.  In truth, few of us actually need a tablet, but this convenience and form of entertainment has become so much a part of our culture that it feels like a need rather than the luxury that it is.  Confession:  I own both an iPad and iPhone, both of which I justify for ministry needs, but in reality use more for recreation than I do ministry.)


I laugh at myself, at the same time I am disgusted with my own sense of self-importance, becoming consumed so rapidly by my wants and appetites. I search to understand how my heart can be so deeply entrenched in Guatemala's basic way of life, while my flesh stubbornly clings to the comfort and pleasure which is the culture I in which I was raised.


As I have been struggling to deal with this conflict between my flesh and my heart, I came across this blog entry written by a fellow missionary to Guatemala which speaks to this very issue.  It explains to me why God has let me see that there is so much more than the US-desired way of life, and yet reminds me that this self-focused life style is so much a part of me that sometimes I think it is in my DNA.

You see, as I struggle not to give in to the affluence and self-indulgence which is so much a part of the US, I can be a voice reminding my American brothers and sisters that there is so much more. More to the world and the kingdom of God than we might see through our cultural filters, more need than we have ever known in most of the world, and more to learn from the Majority World than we would ever have thought.

Because of my own struggle to be more for the kingdom, I can speak these words not as an outside critic, but as one who battles to keep my focus on God's economy and what is important to Him, and resist what the world and my own flesh tells me I need.  Will you join me in this battle?

If you would like to read the blog entry that put this in focus for me, click here.




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